I wish. I wish I could express my feelings, just everything to someone. I’m sick of bottling it all inside, it causes too much stress, sadness, heartache, and tiredness. I want to tell everything to my best friend but it’s nearly impossible to open it all up.
I want to say, “But no one understands how I feel.” But that is a very irritating statement because somewhere out there there is a person who does understand and can relate back.
I just don’t feel like crying right now. Nor am I ready to unleash everything.
There’s one thing however, why did you leave? WHY!? I didn’t care if there wasn’t any communication between us. Maybe to you it’s was important, you wanted someone who was more outgoing, less awkward, more spontaneous. I’m sorry I’m none of those, I just wanted someone to sit there with me. Us being silent was enough for me, I just wanted someone to be at presence so I can be at ease. I know this world doesn’t work that way, I just wanted you to be there. I never expected you to understand me and you will never but you left. Of course I won’t speak to you, or acknowledge you, I just don’t want to be in your way. Acting is one thing but I felt numb and empty for a while.
Although, I moved forward in life and wished you the best. I do miss your presence from time to time.
It’s hard to explain but there’s a bit difference of having the best friend whom I trust with my life and someone just there. I know I won’t ever say anything but the presence is enough for me. It made me feel safe? in a way, I guess.
I know I walk around acting like a mad bitch most of the time but I guess it’s my nature to make sure no one notice anything nor will they come up to me. There’s really not a lot to hide but I’m just afraid of people’s judgments. I take a lot of things seriously and it just takes years for me to open up, you can say I don’t trust anyone easily.
I want my third chapter of life to start, I’m tired of this one.